It’s my drug and when I can’t have a “HIIT” of it I want to neck myself because I’m stuck with reality. My entire back is very bruised and my legs haven’t recovered, so loneliness has a chance to shine. I don’t like the people that o tend to attract so being around them is not an option I’m willing to take. Wish I could drink myself into oblivion without getting fatter. Wish I could go to sleep forever and never wake up ❤️🙃✌️ 
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Relapse into depression
crazy face
I’ve come to accept that depression will always be apart of my life. It might disappear and I could be symptom free for months-years, but it always comes back. Things are different this time around though because I don’t feel like I need other people to validate me in anyway. I’m motivated to fix myself and make changes to help myself. Last time it seemed like I had a thousand reasons to feel bad.. This time I only have three reason lol. Sometimes I have no reason to feel really bad but it hurts so bad that I cry myself to sleep (only because it’s bed time, or I’d keep physically active!).
Lately every morning I tell myself “you’re going to be around for a very long time so you better not waste time doing things that don’t help you”. By the afternoon I often think about dying because it seems easier, but that’s dumb.
when I’m happy and talkative I feel people like me a lot better. When I’m drained and down I don’t even acknowledge other people in the room and my negative body language keeps people from approaching me at work. This is something I have to work since it does not reflect well on me.
I kind of get some comfort out of feel bad.. A guilty pleasure of doom and gloom. I like things that feel famil
iar because it allows me to reminisce.. Which is what happens when I feel depressed. I think about times I spent cocooned in my bed, so comfy lol.
Missing the other Cuntling.
Been remembering him a lot lately.
Blog and filler injections
I purchased this blog several years ago but I hardly posted anything. I discovered that typing up my thoughts actually helps me.
Anyway here are two photos I took last month right after having fillers placed in the tear troughs of my eyes. note the swelling that actually makes me look like I have full cheeks..I wish that swelling stayed. 😦 I then had filler placed in my right cheek because it was so flat but I still look shit an extra $900 bucks later.If I have to live then I really want cheek implants, mid facelift (cheek and lower eyelid pulled up) and fat grafting done to be injected into my face.
No 
