crazy face

I’ve come to accept that depression will always be apart of my life. It might disappear and I could be symptom free for months-years, but it always comes back. Things are different this time around though because I don’t feel like I need other people to validate me in anyway. I’m motivated to fix myself and make changes to help myself. Last time it seemed like I had a thousand reasons to feel bad.. This time I only have three reason lol. Sometimes I have no reason to feel really bad but it hurts so bad that I cry myself to sleep (only because it’s bed time, or I’d keep physically active!).

Lately every morning I tell myself “you’re going to be around for a very long time so you better not waste time doing things that don’t help you”. By the afternoon I often think about dying because it seems easier, but that’s dumb.

when I’m happy and talkative I feel people like me a lot better. When I’m drained and down I don’t even acknowledge other people in the room and my negative body language keeps people from approaching me at work. This is something I have to work since it does not reflect well on me.

I kind of get some comfort out of feel bad.. A guilty pleasure of doom and gloom. I like things that feel famil

iar because it allows me to reminisce.. Which is what happens when I feel depressed. I think about times I spent cocooned in my bed, so comfy lol.